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“You are not allowed children or marriage until you’re 30” My dad used to jokingly say, well i’m 27, that age is almost here.  10 Years without them this September, I always thought that eventually I would just forget the grief, people always say time is a healer.  I never realised that with such a tragedy time cannot actually heal the grief, it can only help you cope, I was naive.

An engagement is a wonderful event, the fact that someone loves me enough to announce they want to share their life with me is an amazing feeling.  After the engagement comes all the thoughts of the wedding, recently I have been thinking about the morning process, getting ready with my bridesmaids and family, then awaiting the cars.  It got me thinking about the absences on the day, of course I will still be overwhelmingly happy on my wedding day, but it wont go unoticed that the wedding car will not contain my dad or my living room in the morning will not contain slippers saying ‘mother of the bride’.  It’s all the daft little things that feel like the biggest at this occasion, I know they would be happy for us, but it’s sad that they will never meet him, never see our house, so much has changed that they have missed.

My parents are in every memeber of my family in some way or another, and they are always positive and encouraging, I dont think they realise how much the comment “Your parents would be proud” actually means.  Knowing that they would approve of life choices so far and be proud of everything I have brings me so much comfort.  Of course it would be nice to hear it, but knowing it is enough, I will carry that warm feeling with me everywhere I go, including the aisle once a date is set.



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