It’s Been a While

A lot happened over the Christmas period… I experienced my first Christmas on my own home with my other half… I’ve had places to live since my parents death, but none of them ever really felt like my home.  Don’t get me wrong they were lovely and I am so thankful to have had a place to rest my head at night, but I was unable to make one of them feel like mine and the other was another persons home, lovely but just not mine.  So in a sense it feels like my first home since I was 18, it was lovely to wake up to our own decor knowing we pay for this house and everything inside is ours.  We have worked so hard to make it our own I am really proud of how far we have come since April ’16 when we purchased it.

Anyway sat in front of our fire Christmas day with my lovely other half was perfect, what makes it better is that he proposed!  I am now a fiance, it’s like having a whole new identity, but so wonderful that someone loves me enough to go that extra mile to commit to becoming my husband.  Not only that he did it in the most wonderful way.

The whole day was lovely, I adore Christmas.

Of course with all this I still had my parents in the back of my mind, it occurred to me that my dad wouldn’t walk me down the aisle and my mom couldn’t help me get ready in the morning.  I also always thought my Nan would be at my wedding of they couldn’t maybe have a little dance with her.  I have shed a tear over this thought, but I also very conscious not to let this ruin such a special occasion, it’s sad and I miss them dearly but I have so many other people in my life that are still here whom I love very much and my appreciation for their support and love knows no bounds.  I still struggle with envying people who have both parents and grandparents and I still wish I had them to ask advice, but I have learnt that the way I am today and the things I am proud of are products of everything they did for me.  They leave their mark every day in everything that I do, they will never disappear as long as I don’t give up. 

 It’s never easy to lose a parent, but to anyone out there struggle with this, you have a duty to live your life to the fullest and as happily as you can, your parents made you who you are, you are part of them, if they can’t be here you need to keep going and make sure what they taught you and the love they gave you is not in vain! You can do this!


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