So it’s December and we can finally all put up our trees, sing carols and watch those Christmas films we all love without being judged for it. Me and my other half spent a couple of hours coseying up the living room ready for our first Christmas living together and I had to take a step back sometimes for a pinch me moment and thinl “This is actually ours”. I am very proud of what we have achieved in 2016, but I do find myself feeling guilty for feeling happy, which is ridiculous. We have worked our butts off for this little slice of heaven and here I am not allowing myself to enjoy it, I look around and think “how can I enjoy this when my parents can’t”. Now I know really I should be making even more effort to enjoy it because people aren’t here to do so anymore, and I shouldn’t be taking my time for granted. It almost feels like I do not want to let myself feel happy sometimes, but today I was tired of reminding myself of sadness in the past and thought no! I deserve to enjoy this moment with my partner, our house is beautiful and we have worked so hard to make it our home im allowed to feel happy and proud without guilt. It’s not selfish to allow yourself to relax and smile, in fact it would be more selfish to begrudge yourself of that moment, and I am sure my parents would hate to think I am not allowing myself to enjoy moments like these because they cannot. Yes it’s sad that I cannot excitedly message them images of our decorations or invite them around, but there are plenty of people who are still here sharing life with us. I need to stop living in the past and letting it define me.
It does not make up all of me, it merely shapes me. Let the Christmas countdown begin!